I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
