My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
