i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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