I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
