never play flip cup with pint glasses
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
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I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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