i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Green mimosas i think yes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
