i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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