Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize