okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
