I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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