As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
