when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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