My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
