She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize