Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
