she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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