I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We just shotgunned beers for America
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
