She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
