In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
