I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you win again, gameday.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
