So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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