You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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