I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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