It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
