Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
