I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
