I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
