Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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