I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
