This girl is more easily done than said...
we made out on top of his cat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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