I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
