i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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