1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
