NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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