She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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