I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
