if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
