I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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