I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
