I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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