K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
