I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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