Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
