I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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