is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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