She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
