This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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