he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
