I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
