apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
