After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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