Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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