Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
