Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
