cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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