They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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