I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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