I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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