People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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