at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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