Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
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He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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