I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
