she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
