If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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