areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
