I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
